Serial killer has moved into our neighborhood!

Y’all, I have some very disturbing news to report.  It’s been weighing heavily on my mind, but I know it is the right thing to do.  I must speak out.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but it scares me to think that my neighbors could be sex offenders or serial killers.   We have a home security system and a couple of big dogs, but I know that is not enough to keep a determined criminal out of our house.

And I know this first hand.

Because a serial killer lives in our neighborhood.

And she’s been in our house.

In fact, she’s here right now and lives upstairs.

Here’s the photo:

Don't let her beauty and intelligence fool you: this girl is armed and dangerous.

Her (long) list of victims include three iPods, two cameras, five phones, a desktop, and two laptops.  Total body count: 13.  She turns 17 next month, and she has asked for a birthday gift: another phone.  We now struggle with the guilt of whether to knowingly send another helpless mobile to certain death.  It’s too late for the new laptop her grandparents just gave her; while it is healthy now, its days are surely numbered.

If you encounter her, don’t be taken in by her infectious laugh.  She’s just trying to draw you closer, where she can zap your electronics.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing.

Stay safe,


p.s. While she was supposedly in Tampa when my iPhone threw itself to the ground, shattered its screen, and started sending traitorous texts to my husband, I have reason to suspect her involvement.  I will keep you posted on the outcome of the investigation.

p.p.s. She gets her criminal tendencies from her father, who has been linked to multiple animal deaths.

p.p.p.s.  And her looks.

You can't fight genetics.

See what I mean?

12 Responses to “Serial killer has moved into our neighborhood!”
  1. Eric Hutchins says:

    Pray for her new laptop!

  2. Pamela says:

    In related news, Michelle announces, “I never have any money.” 🙂

  3. peter says:

    Stunning pictures. Can’t wait to see these folks in person.

  4. Eric Hutchins says:

    The live version is even more dramatic than the pictures.
    Hide your electronics, here she comes.

  5. Susie says:

    I hope her face doesn’t freeze in those poses. Those pictures wouldn’t do her beauty justice in the posters at the post office!

  6. Eric Hutchins says:

    Add Her digital camera to the list, it just bit the dust.

Check out what others are saying...
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  5. […] 1. Michelle: High school swimming teenager with more clothes, shoes, makeup and hair straighteners than the rest of us put together. […]

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